Category: Funny

September 7, 2017 / / Funny

Summer break is over, so I guess it’s time for me to get back to work along with all the other children. I didn’t really plan on a summer writing break; if so, I would’ve announced one instead of leaving all four of my loyal readers in limbo (I’m back, Mom!…

June 22, 2017 / / Funny

I missed the chance to write a Father’s Day post on Father’s Day, mostly because I was busy fathering my own three kids and also hanging out with my own father. Fatherhood is indeed terrific, but unless you’re Catholic or Evander Holyfield, there does come a limit to the number…

June 19, 2017 / / Funny

I’m a million miles from being an overprotective parent; I’m far closer to those who call themselves “free-range” parents and happily let their kids roam around once they’ve learned how to look both ways before crossing the street and to check in regularly on their phones. But I do say “no”…

May 24, 2017 / / Funny

There are three days left in the school year as I type this, and thank goodness for that. While it does mean sibling-riot-chaos is no longer restricted to the evening hours, it also means the days of sandblasting three kids out of bed at 6:30 a.m. are over, and that’s…

May 16, 2017 / / Funny

Mid-May is here, so it’s Oscars seasons for parents. Graduation time! It doesn’t seem that long ago, does it, when you only had to endure one graduation per child? High school graduation was like the Opening Ceremonies For Finally Kicking You Out Of The House, and that’s what made the…

May 11, 2017 / / Funny

I know it’s not Festivus time yet, but if I wait until December, I might forget some of these. Also, by December, this list would be so long that it might break the Internet, so let’s just knock off 20 parental grievances quick just so they’re nice and out in…

May 9, 2017 / / Funny

I have three kids in public school, which means that if we are eventually homeless, they’ll be excellent beggars. They’ve burnished their panhandling credentials through the years with the multiple annual fundraisers that launch them out into the neighborhood to ask the same 30 neighbor houses whether they want to…

May 8, 2017 / / Funny

We were driving to jiu-jitsu a couple weeks ago when I heard the loud, crystal-clear sound of someone taking a huge, long, bubbly bong hit coming from right behind my seat. Ezra was the culprit. I figured he was playing some sound on his phone (for a squeaky-clean kid, he…

April 25, 2017 / / Funny

Adults may still make all the world’s big decisions, but you should never doubt the collective power of millions of Internet-connected American children. In the past five days, their gazillion Snaps and Instagram posts drove us to spend several million dollars on the Unicorn Frappuccino, a Starbucks drink that looks like, tastes…

April 7, 2017 / / Funny

Don’t you hate it when someone begs, begs, begs for something, but then when he gets it, all he can do is complain about it? Tough shit, I’m doing it anyway. My kids came into the world and developed right alongside the development of smartphones and tablets, and they’ve had some…